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Category Archives: Junk Drawer

Junk Drawer 25 – Confessions of a Killer

Deer Salad

I don’t want to kill them.  I’m speaking of my patio plants.  I work earnestly to keep them alive and thriving, sparing no expense when it comes to plant food and monitoring to make sure they have adequate (but not too much) water.

(On another note – speaking of water – do any of you have “the neighbor” who simply refuses to believe that any of the rules apply to them?  In the midst of the worst drought since the 40s, and with watering restrictions in place for months, I’ve got a neighbor who is compulsively watering.  Every day.  First thing in the morning.  Late in the afternoon.  During peak heat hours.  Where are the LCRA SWAT teams?!  Where is Lakeway MUD?!  Where are Lakeway PD and their tasers?!  That’s what I want to know.)

Deer Dessert

Well, what with the heat from hell this summer and the perennial, ubiquitous deer – I have been fighting a losing battle with regard to the patio plants.  That didn’t keep me from the Home Depot nursery checkout line this morning – like Odysseus being drawn by the sound of the Sirens, and unlike Odysseus not having been tied restrained to the ship’s mast – I was mindlessly drawn to the Home Depot nursery.

I circled the “heat and deer resistant” palette of offerings suspiciously.  I’ve been down this lane of false advertising and empty promises before.  The poet Milton came to mind.  Specifically “Sweet bird, that shunn’st the noise of folly/ Most musical, most melancholy!”

Mountain Dew for Birds

So with that I postponed the plant selection and went in search of hummingbird feeders and red liquid stuff.  I discovered that a company called “Perky Pet” makes the hummingbird “nectar.”  It’s sucrose.  Mountain Dew for birds.  So that went into the cart.

Dying Geranium

And I’m back circling the “Heat tolerant, deer resistant” palette again.  I make two selections – one yellow ($9.95) and one that is pink ($19.95) and trellis-loving.   I returned home and got about the business of repotting my new purchases – working up a sweat that would rival 15 minutes worth of my neighbor’s watering.  Then I dragged the geranium inside because it looks like it’s on it last leg.  There was a second geranium that didn’t make it.

So, I have photographed the day’s labor mindful of the fact that I may have just bought gourmet appetizers for the deer – and that by morning, having left the deer-free confines of Home Depot, I may have condemned these two to a violent, masticated end.

The Junk Drawer 24 – Lack of Air Conditioning, Librarians, and Limitations

I had to get “out” today.  It’s a gorgeous day.  In contrast to the numerous overcast days we’ve been having, the sun was assertive this morning and drowned my home office in cheery sunshine from 7:15 on.  But when there was a break in the action, I was feeling Spring Fever and decided to driveContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 23 – The Friendly Neighborhood MLM Stalker

Dog whining hysterically because we were late for the morning constitutional, I opened my front door and found a packet of information from the Friendly Neighborhood MLM Stalker (FNMLMS) left at the doorstep.  Nothing has pissed me off to this degree in a long, long time. When FNMLMS moved into the neighborhood, we happened toContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 22: Reflections on Pop Culture and Awkward Social Commerce Situations

I was taking a break from work and caught part of an episode of The Sopranos on A&E earlier.  I will say this about The Sopranos:  it is genius.  Definitely from Season 1 – not sure if it was the pilot or the second episode – the scene is Tony and Christopher in Tony’s backContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 21 – The 3 Worst Movies You’ve EVER Seen

Almost everyone I know is sick, starting to get sick, recovering from being sick, or like me, miserable with cedar fever.  Because everyone is spending a lot of time on the couch (in my case, the recliner) there has been a unanimous outcry on the dearth of any good TV offerings.  If there wasn’t footballContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 20 – The 6 Most Fascinating Men on TV

First, let me acknowledge the fatuous title.  But I felt it was time for a little fun and a little audience participation – and nothing gets my blog visitors as passionate as a popular culture post.  Particularly a post that my readers feel has some real, glaring omissions.  So let’s go. In the category ofContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 19 – One of the Levels of Hell Include “those neighbors”

I’ve often said that Home Owners Associations bring out the absolute worst in people and, in fact, I have revised my vision of Hell from a Dante-esque spiral of quaint old world tortures to a post millennial mayhem of HOA meeting marathons, TSA crowd control, and vuvuzelas. I am a member of a HOA.  InContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 17 – Top 10 movies that cause me to stop channel surfing

I don’t even want to calculate how many hours I’ve spent watching these movies. But I thought this would be a fun audience participation piece, where we fess up our guilty pleasures.  These are the movies I can’t resist.  Would love to know which movies have the same effect on you! Casino How could smartContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 16 – Knock it off!

When I was growing up, my dad had a way of saying “Knock it off!” that immediately put an end to whatever nonsense I or my siblings were up to.  Split second course correction.  No argument.  Done. Late yesterday afternoon I had concrete poured.  It is the latest progress in what has been a marathonContinue Reading

The Junk Drawer 15 – Combat Medic and the Duct Tape Marketing coach

Yes, I adore him.  Yesterday, Beloved Nephew graduated from Combat Medic training at Fort Sam Houston.  The motto for the unit was “Combat Medic – Warrior Spirit” which I translate to “Yeah, I can heal you, but I can hurt you too.” (I also learned that if you have an expired Texas inspection sticker onContinue Reading