The Junk Drawer 18 – What 2 million miles of air travel has done to me

The dramatic exit of the Jet Blue flight attendant (I give him 150,000 frequent fun points for grabbing the beer) had me reflecting on my approach to air travel.  It has been 20 plus years of lowering my expectations in order to get to and arrive home with as much of my sanity and humor intact as possible.

I probably have closer to 3 million lifetime miles but in 1997 my primary carrier changed from Northwest to American;   so the only miles that really count to me are the 2 million plus flown on American.

I am very sympathetic and willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the frontline airlines employees.  Anyone who has worked in an environment where the brass doesn’t have to face the customers, and often is happy to let the frontline employees take the brunt of customer dissatisfaction, knows how tough their job is.  Note:  I’m not suggesting this is the way to run a company.  I am dealing with reality such that it is.

If you happen to sit next to me on a flight (unless you recognize me from real life or my avatar) you will probably never know it.  I’ve got my nose in a book or my eyes closed and you can look forward to peace and quiet on at least one front.  I will not instigate a conversation.  This probably dates back to a horrible experience I had sitting next to an Herbal Life affiliate fresh off a motivational conference that ended with me (uncharacteristically) elbowing my way down the aisle as soon as the seatbelt sign went off as the rep shouted their 800 number at me and the promise of a 50 percent discount.

Sometimes I do my best thinking on a plane.  I opt for the window seat so that I can look out on the ever fascinating clouds or, if traveling at night, watch the lights below and the stars above.  I can’t count the number of good ideas I’ve hatched looking out a plane window.

In fact, I came up with a brilliant idea for BOSE while gazing out the plane window, which I have dubbed “The Tommy”.  This is an all-encompassing helmet that not only provides noise reduction, but would serve to eliminate unwanted odor and eye contact from fellow travelers.  Gassy passengers, those who bring on board the gross sandwiches with a pound of onions and stink up the whole cabin, and the dudes who take their shoes off – all neutralized.

I try to build up a lot of “connection karma” when traveling.  That means that if I’ve got time between connections, I’ll stay put and let others go first. Since I sit in the window seat, I’m not in the way of somebody else exiting the plane.  So I will hold my horses and wait.

I will never be competing with you for overhead bin space.  By virtue of the 2 million, I am Platinum for life.  I check my bags.  I have streamlined my carry on to my purse and a small laptop bag that fits easily under the seat.  More time, but less stress.

I enter into air travel with the understanding that weather is part of the equation.  Yes, it’s a drag when all you want to do is get home or arrive in time to get a least 3 hours of sleep before the big meeting, but it’s weather.  Don’t be a jackass to airline employees over something that can’t be controlled.

My final piece of advice is that if you travel more than ten times a year, you can’t afford NOT to have an Admirals Club (or similar program) membership.  The best Admirals Club in the country is right here in Austin.  It’s small, but the staff is extraordinary.  The second best Admirals Club is in St. Louis.  The worst is in Atlanta.  The corollary to this piece of advice is – do all of your flight/seating adjustments in the Admirals Club, not at the general ticketing counter.  Trust me.

I hope that when the Jet Blue flight attendant goes to trial, he has a jury full of frequent travelers who have suffered as much as he has at the behavior of obnoxious passengers.  I know I would be merciful.

The Junk Drawer 19 – One of the Levels of Hell Include “those neighbors”